Moving On- "Keep Moving Forward"

When thinking of the past your life stays in the past. You feel the sorrow is regrets and the sadness of old happiness. The mind needs to be in the present. Only in the present will it help gain control of a happier future. We must see the good that is now and keep it in our hearts for the future. The past will only hold us back from reaching our true happiness. It is time to move on from the regrets and put peace in our hearts from all the blessings we have now. And remember them as we move forward. Walt Disney once said "Around here we don't look backwards for very long... we keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things because we're curious... and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."

My Unknown Apology

The things that were said were not my own. They were from a voice of fear which I have come to know almost too well. It was as if I was trapped behind sound proof glass as the fear talked. Screaming and yelling to stop, I fell in sadness as I watched as you heard them and walked away. So many things I wanted tell you. So different from the fear. It took everything not to throw myself at your feet. I do not beg but I almost did. The need to change your mind in anyway was incredibly unhealthy. I was completely beside myself. In that moment when you had turned away from me I wanted to hide from you, erase myself from your life in guilt from what I caused. I selfishly didn't want to see you be happy in my absence. And once I had erase everything I realized my error. What happen was my fault. All I  ever wanted was your happiness and the fear thought you would be better without me. But it didn't take into account how I would feel without you. It pushed you away from me and I am to blame. I let fear rule me, control me. And now even after this time I am still trying to let it go. I truly only wish your happiness and I hope in time I will let myself be happy too. I hurt you to save you from me and to save me from the unknown I felt. In the end all I did was hurt us both because I let fear rule over my own happiness. This is my lament to someone who will never know how truly sorry I feel.

Healing the hurt of past mistakes

We all make mistakes and I have made a few that I truly regret because the only reason I did them was out of fear of the the future, fear I might actually be happy.  Which is kind of crazy to fear happiness. I wish I could erase part of the past and say what I actually wanted to say instead of pushing people away because of this fear. But how can you mend something that is so far gone especially when they have cut you away completely. I could have been happy, maybe. But I never gave it a chance. I need to find resolution and a new happy. But healing takes time.

Adventures on the way

I can not believe that it is almost the middle of October. Time is moving way to fast.

So I am leaving for China in 3 months. I still do not know the exact date yet but holy cow that is close. I feel like its coming too fast. I still have so much to do. But I am so excited! A completely foreign country filled with so many adventures and things that I can't even begin to describe cause I have no idea what will happen. Am I nervious? Totally! Am I scared? Completely! But mostly I am excited and so ready.

Well other than that life is pretty much the same. School hasn't really changed. Work is the same. Meeting lots of guys but not getting married any time soon...(sad to hear, i know)

My testimony is still growing, as strong as ever. My family is the same too. Tony is doing great on his mission. He is such an example of positivity and humility. I am so proud of him.

That is life so far.Oh and I will be another section of this blog for all my China adventures, even my pre China preparation adventures. So stay tune.

Wishing dreams were real...

Have you ever had a dream that felt so right that when you woke up it saddened you to know that it was only a fantasy you had dreamt up? 

I have very vivid dreams and until recently I could remember them as clear as day. Recently they have been very strange and don't make any sense to a point that I can't remember them in detail like I'm used to. Except one dream and this dream is so close to reality in how it appears that when I wake up its hard to believe it really didn't happen.Yet it can't have happened because it clashes with my real reality. But I wish it was real. I wish it was more than my imagination. If I could have anything, it would be that dream becoming my reality. 

Cross roads: map of my decisions

"Life is the sum of experiences that we encounter as we go through life. Day to day struggles and triumphs are experienced by all of the world's creatures. As human beings, when we encounter a challenge, we have freedom to choose how to react. Every decision that we make leads us down a different road. We will never come to exactly the same crossroads. Every decision the we make has significance. The tiniest choice that we make reverberates throughout the entire universe."

I came across this poem and it really hit me. Recently I've started to look back on the decisions I have made and how its shaped not only my life but of those who are close to me. I've also looked at some of the decisions others have made that have effected my life. It's almost like looking at a road map that doesn't really have a beginning and so far no end. The destination is set, I know where I want to end up but its hard to see with all the criss-crossings of others lines on the same map. I don't know if that made any sense, but I guess its not really supposed to.

Now when I think about making a decision I also look at what my outcome could be and how it will effect those around me. It's made me more cautious, more logical, but more appreciative. I look to make positive decisions.
I recently, in the past couple months, decided to go to China in a volunteer program and teach english to children. I'm going to two semesters at BYU one of them being summer semester (which I thought I would never take classes in the summer) before I go.

I have never felt so right about a decision like this before. It scares me and excites me at the same time.

Writing a book, cause I can't go to sleep

So this is a book I decided to write cause I can't go to sleep. It's not even close to being finished but heres what I have so far. Tell me what you think.

I walk the streets at night a vision of ancient airs and beauty.  I have travelled to the ends of the earth and back. I have seen both the splendor and awful things of this world. Blessed with gifts beyond imagination and cursed to wonder the earth till time ends. This is my story.

 Sit back and relax. This tale goes back, back in the past. My tale begins near the dawn of time. In a kingdom brought together by war, the lust for power and peace, and the will of the Gods. My tale begins in paradise, the garden of the Gods, on the banks of the Nile, Egypt in the under Alexander the Great.

I was the daughter of an Egyptian noble, my world was greatly enriched. My parents received gifts and offerings to the God Osiris the keeper of the dead and the Goddess Isis queen of the underworld and new born souls.  I was staring at myself in the mirror. My mother called me blessed by the Gods.  I had honey colored eyes and rose colored lips that were painted gold, smooth copper skin, and lush black hair that hung down to my waist. I was gifted with a well curved body with a small stomach and long legs.  In two days it will be my 16^th birthday and I will to be shown to suitors, with my family power and my beauty, my parents were sure of a good match. A knock at my door woke me from my trance. Nihia, my personal slave walked in. “Your cousin Anahi is here to see you.” I nodded, she bowed out and Anahi stepped in. She was my elder by two months yet we had so many differences. She was what I would call classically pretty with copper skin, long dark hair, dark eyes; she was skinny in every way. But she and I had to problems she was my greatest friend, my secret keeper. “You look like a painting of Isis herself, Mahari!” She said as she stepped in. “If only I was her, she would not have to go through this suitor business.” I said as I looked at myself again. She laughed.  It will be good for you and for the family. It will be a new adventure.” She walked over to me and gave me a hug for comfort. She took a seat on my chaise lounge. It was covered in exotic furs and lush padding. It was my favorite place to lie and think. We continued to talk on our childhood, our hopes and fear of the future. The as the sun set we went out onto the veranda and looked out on the city the glow of the fire light cast eerie shadows.  “Look up, the heavens are lighting up” Anahi was slightly obsessed with the stars, but tonight it was breath taking.  We sat in wonder and reverence of the Gods creations.  Surely the Goddess Nut was the most beautiful of all the Goddesses; she had to be since she was the mother of the other Gods and Goddesses.  I said a silent prayer to her and her glory and begged for luck with my match.  “What do you think it’s like being immortal, not as a God but close, to never die, to never change, to see lifetime after lifetime of people?” Anahi asked breaking the silence. “I would say it would be lonely.” I answered not really thinking about the question. Nihia came out and told us that it was time to sleep. Anahi asked Nihia to tell a guard to bring her chariot. Nihia bowed out. Anahi gave me another hug and walked away. I gazed one more time at the night sky before walking into my chamber, shutting the door behind me.  Nihia helped me out of my gown and into my night dress.  She blew out the candles and shut the drapes that covered my windows. I lie under my silk and fur blankets drifting into a soft slumber. My mind still on the question Anahi had asked. To be immortal, to live as the Gods, to see eons of time, to never change or grow old, what a wonderful fantasy to think about as I drifted into my dreams.

Nihia awoke me by drawing the curtains and letting the morning sun hit my face. Today my mother, Akara, and I were to go to the temple of Isis and give offerings in order to gain favor in my match the next day.  Nihia helped me put on my white ceremonial dress and brush my hair out.

The journey to the temple was short. My mother was greeted by the other Priestesses and I was given my incense to burn as we walked down the Hall of columns with the light and shadow representing life and death, the transition to the realm of the Gods. As we approached the entrance to the temple my mother started the ancient chants. The entrance hall was tall and filled with many more columns the light of the sun shone directly into the hall casting linear shadows surrounding the statue of Isis. She of course sat shining beautiful and regal.  I again thought of what Anahi had asked as I stared at the statue. We knelt down in front of her statue and I placed my incense in the pot next to her feet. We began our prayers and songs.  After we were done we walked out in procession my mother again saying the ceremonial chants.

When we got back home I took at long hot bath. When I got out Nihia started brushing my hair out to let it dry straight and silky. My mother walked in. In her arms I saw a box covered by a silk cloth. She asked Nihia to leave us and she bowed as she walked out. I turned to my mother. “I have brought you a gift, a treasure that has been passed down from mother to daughter in my family when the daughter is old enough.” She set the box down on a table and removed the cloth. Underneath was a gold box carved with the picture of Isis. It was beautiful. She took a small necklace of the moon off her neck and motioned for me to open it, her eyes lit up with excitement.  I took the necklace and placed it in the moon shaped indent. At once the boxed clicked open. I carefully opened the lid and inside was a gold necklace with a small, delicate and intricate carving of Isis’s wings lying on a bed of velvet. My mother gently took it out and came behind me and placed in around my neck.  I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. It sat beautifully just above my chest. I sat in awe. “It is perfect! This will bring you luck and the power of the Goddess into you” My mother said as she started to tear behind me. I turned around and hugged her. She than got up and went out. Nihia came back in to help me get ready for bed. I placed the necklace back into the small gold chest and locked it. I put the key around my neck. I let Nihia get me ready but my mind was on today at the temple, the necklace, and Anahi question.

I drifted into a deep sleep quickly and my dreams began. I dreamt I was at the banks of the Nile and a boat appeared. I got onto the boat and I saw the Goddess Isis seated on a throne. We started drifting down the Nile. She motioned for me to sit next to her. I did. She asked me my heart’s desire and I answered it was to live forever, not changing or growing old, impervious to illness and death. She smiled at me warmly. My necklace than appeared in her hand and she handed it to me and said “As long as you wear this necklace you will never grow old and you will live to see thousands of millions of sun rises. You must go now to my temple and lay yourself in my arms. Give your body and soul to me and I will give you your immortality.”  I took the necklace. Then I awoke. I stared at darkness of my room and I saw the box still sitting on the table. I got out of bed and walked over to the box. I took the key off my neck and opened the box. Again the lid click softly open and I hesitantly opened in up. Inside the necklace lay as perfect as before but it seemed to have a slight glow to it. It must be the darkness of the room I thought to myself. It was just a dream. Still I slowly picked it up and carefully put in on. Instantly I felt a rush of power flow into me. I felt alive. I again heard the Goddess voice, ‘as long as you wear this necklace you will never grow old and live to see thousands of millions of run rises.’ I said a prayer of thanks to the Goddess. Closed the lid of the box and put the lock around my neck with the wing necklace.

I than quickly grabbed put on shoes and ran out on to the veranda and into the garden.  It was a short cut to the temple.  The moon was full and shown bright over the dead silence of the desert.  As I approached the door a cool breeze blew around me. I took a deep breath and walked in.  The Statue of Isis shown in the moonlight as brilliant as it had earlier in the day.  I knelt in reverence at the base of the statue. I closed my eyes and I could hear her voice. I stood up and climbed on to the statue. I gently laid my body in her arms and lap and closed my eyes. At once a flash rose in the temple and I was carried out of my body. I looked over and I saw the Goddess once again beside me. The temple was filled with light. “Your body is changing. When the sun arises the priests will see you but will not be able to move you. You will be like the stone of my idle. You will return to your body when the sun sets again. You are no longer to be known as Mahari. Your new name is Layla. It means born in darkness. Go now and say goodbye to your family, you may visit them in their dreams.” She than vanished and it was dark once again. I stared at my body which lay frozen on the statue.

I thought of home and instantly I was there. I walked towards my parent’s chamber. I reached for the handle and my hand went through it. It startled me. I decided to walk through the doors. I took a breath in and walked through breathing out as I stepped into their room. I walked across the room next to my mother’s side of the bed. I brushed the hair off her face. She looked so peaceful. I touched her head and let myself into her mind.  I put us on a calm boat going down the Nile. She was very happy to see me and she hugged me deeply. I released her and told her I that I came to say goodbye, that I was given a gift by the Goddess Isis herself but when she awakes she will be called to the temple where she will find my body like stone lying across the arms of the Goddess. I told her everything will be okay. She was crying as I vanished from her sight.  I moved over to my father and gave him the same message.

I than moved my mind to Anahi’s chamber.  I saw her peacefully resting. I walked over and knelt by her. How was I to leave her? I let myself into her mind and told her my same message, not mentioning the immortality in anyway. I sat and cried with her not letting her go till I had to. I could feel the sun rising and I heard Isis calling back to the temple. I left her and drifted back to the temple.  The priests were standing around the statue baffled over my body. They tried to move it but just as the Goddess had said I was like stone. More and more priests and priestesses showed but confused on what to do. Finally I saw my mother run in and kneel at the base crying out for me.  They left her to be alone with my body and I cried as I watched her try and wake me, praying to Isis to make me rise again. Isis appeared besides me. “Do you still wish to have immortality?” I turned to her my eyes still wet from the tears and nodded. “As you wish, walk with me.” I turned and followed through the wall behind her statue. Instead of a room it was instead a garden. I gazed in amazement. “When you are again united with your body you will notice changes. Your sight will be enhanced far beyond mortal eyes. Bright light will be hard to see in, travel at night. Your strength will be increased one hundred times over. You will be able to move faster than mortals. Nothing will be able to penetrate you skin and you will never have any sickness. As the years pass your abilities will grow and adapt to your surroundings. You will also have gifts unique to your soul; you will have to find out what they are yourself.” She stopped and turned to face me. “You will be free unless I have need for you. I will always know where you are and what you are doing. For now rest in the garden, you need your mind to be sharp when the sun sets.” She vanished again. I went over to a shady hill and let myself sleep. 

I gasped loudly. My body and I were reunited and my lungs were trying to fill with air once again. When I gathered myself together and looked at myself. My skin was translucent, still copper colored but it shone. My nails were hard like diamonds. I jumped down and felt my strength surge through me. Even in the darkness my sight was perfect. I could see the individual grains in the sandstones.  I moved and realized how effortless it was. I ran and in a second I was on the other side of the temple. I laughed at myself. I felt incredible, invincible. I went back to the statue and prayed to Isis thanking her for her gift. I knew that I needed to leave my city. I could not be around those who would recognize me. I went outside my house one last time changed into better clothes, a bag of gold, a bag of supplies and said goodbye quietly in my heart, than I ran.

The air around me felt incredible. The world moving under my feet faster than any chariot had ever gone. 

I raced up down the Nile, north to the sea, to the city of Alexandria. It was a Greek based city though it we do trade and find news of the other coastal nations. It was big and crowded. It was the perfect place to blend in. 

The sun was about to rise when I got into town. The street merchants were starting to set up their carts. I asked one of the merchants where the best inn was. He pointed up hill and told me it was worth it to stay there if I had the money for it. I headed toward the inn, avoiding the merchants as they set up. The sun was starting to rise as I stepped in the doors of the inn. The inn keeper smiled at me warmly as he eyed the expensive clothes and jewelry I was wearing. “Welcome to my humble inn! Are you looking for a room?” I nodded. “I need a room with a private bath.” I answered calmly, as I shook my bag of gold. He smiled once again. “Let me show you to one of our finest rooms” I followed him up the stairs and to a room that was quite large. It had a chest for clothes, a feather down bed, and a private bath. He looked for my approval. I nodded and handed him a few gold pieces. He backed out smiling, quite satisfied with himself.

I put my belongings away and closed the curtains blocking out the blaring sun. I had a slave bring me hot water and soaps for a bath and let the richness sink into me as I relaxed.  I felt like I was in a dream. I prayed never to wake up.  A knock at my door signaled that my meal was here. I got out the bath and placed a silk robe around me as I ate my lunch of fruit, bread, and some beef. I than brushed out my hair and braided into little braids all over my head, I learned it from watching Nihia over the years.  I asked the inn keeper to have me wakened at sunset. I lay down and went to bed.

A heard a bell and awoke suddenly, confused on where I was for a moment. I was still at the inn. It had really happened.  It wasn’t a dream. I excused the slave and put on a new dress. I could hear the shop keepers and merchants closing up shop outside my window. I felt extremely rejuvenated.  I walked down the stairs.

The common room was crowded with those staying at the inn and captains and soldiers who were enjoying the wine and entertainment. A couple of young slave girls were dancing in the center of the room. I sat down and ordered a glass of wine and some bread and honey and I watched the girls dance. It reminded me of home. I thought of my family. I was awoken from the dancing trance when a man wearing captains clothing appeared sitting down in front of my on the other side of the table. “You seem to be a little young to be travelling alone.” I smiled. “Who said I was alone?” He looked around. “I don’t see anyone. Who is here to protect you?” I laughed. “Who said I needed protecting?” He smiled again. Two more captains sat down one next to me and the other next to him. I continued to smile calmly.  The room was slowly losing people. “So what brings you to Naucratis?” The one sitting next to me said. “Adventure.” I said as I sipped my wine. They looked at each other, their smiles getting larger and larger. “I’m in the mood for a game, how about you? A betting game, I think?” I asked all three of them. Each agreed eagerly.  “Alright, let’s start with something simple. I bet you I can take your knife and throw it hitting that wood post across the room.” I looked at them. “The stakes?” one asked. “If I hit it, you give me a bronze piece.” They agreed and then one spoke up. “If you don’t you must dance for us.” I agreed and one of them handed me a knife. We cleared the area and I threw the knife. It hit the middle of the post. Each of the captains put a bronze piece on the table. It was their turn to come up with something. “Alright you’ve proven you can throw. But this time I bet you can’t do that again with your eyes closed.”  I smiled. I knew they were purposely making me lose, but I took the bet anyways and decided to lose on purpose. I took my place again and missed the post by less than an inch. I shrugged and laughed. I took another gulp of wine pretending like I was getting drunk. I went to the center of the room, signaled for the musicians to play and began to dance like the slaves had done before. The song ended and I went back to my table. I took another gulp of wine. “Another bet?” I asked them. They looked at each other again sure that they would win again. “How about this, if you can catch me using whatever you think necessary, you may have control of me for the rest of the night?” They agreed instantly. I let them follow me outside. I stood in the empty street. “Are you ready?” I asked. I turned and began to run slowly like a mortal. They started to chase. I could feel their hearts beating just behind me. I decided to step it up a bit and I began to run faster laughing as they drifted further from me. I heard one shout as we passed a stable and I stopped as they grabbed horses. I laughed again and I started to run even faster now. I could hear them pushing the horses harder and harder to catch me. I could feel the rise in their blood as I felt their anger rise. They started to plan split up trying to corner me. I ran down the empty streets with ease. I could hear where each horse was around me. I purposely let them lead me to a dead end. I reached the high wall and turned around as their horses slowed down. Again they were smiling. I smiled back. Each of them got off their horses and pulled out their swords. I should have felt terror. I should have felt trapped.  But still I smiled. “Now you are ours.” The one on the right said as he held his sword towards me. “Only if you can grab me.” I said teasingly. He ran at me and I moved with my impossible speed to the left and let him crash into the wall. The one on the left went at me. I blocked his sword and hit him hard in the stomach. The middle one had his sword pointed at me but it was shaking, frozen with fear. “What are you?” he said as he looked at his fallen comrades. “A vision and a nightmare depending on what I feel like.” I whispered as I walked past, laughing as he stayed frozen. Finally after was far enough away he went to help. I felt empowered. I felt alive. It was a rush to be chased, the adrenaline of being close to death. I went back to my room still smiling. The sun was starting to rise. I had a bath and went to sleep, asking again to be woken up at sunset.

I saw bright lights, it faded and I was on a crowded street, people passing me fast. I felt a hunger as I stood in the crowd. I could feel each heart beating with each of their steps. The pounding got louder and louder till I started screaming for it to stop. I was awoken. The slave was there with a worried look. “You asked to be woken at sunset. Sorry to shake you but you were shaking in your sleep.” My heart was pounding. “Thank you. You may go.” She bowed and left. I stared at the ceiling thinking of what I dreamed. It felt so real. After a few minutes collecting myself, I decided to leave the town. I dressed and went down stairs. I gave the innkeeper the rest of the gold I owed him and he welcomed me back anytime. I smiled and hurried out, not wanting to see those soldiers again.

I went to the harbor. I asked around for a ship heading for Athens and accepting passengers. After an hour I found a large ship heading to Athens with trade cargo and was accepting a couple passengers. I walked up onto the deck and was met by the first mate. “Is this the ship heading for Athens?” I ask in Egyptian. “Greetings and yes, I am Eustathios, the first mate. Are you traveling alone?” I nodded. “How are you paying?” I handed him some gold. He was average man same height as myself, blond hair to his shoulders, rough face with a scar above his right eye.  “If you have private accommodations I would appreciate it.” I handed him more gold. He smiled and asked me to wait. He came back a minute later with another man. He was slightly taller than me, dark hair that had a slight curl where it met his shoulders, strong face, no visual scars that I could see, but it was his eyes that struck me the most. They were a blue that had a hint of green, almost the color of the sea. “Greetings, I am Nikolaos, the captain. I have the only private room is my own. It is quite large, if you wish to share.” I stared at him, looking at his character. I saw him aged from war, strong both physically and mentally, a man who would keep his word. “If it is not too much trouble for you, I would gladly take your offer.” He directed me towards his room.  I follow; we both don’t speak as we enter the dimly lit cabin. “I shall have some of the men bring a bed from below. You may sleep in my own bed.” I follow him through a door into a smaller room with a bed. “Thank you for your hospitality.” He nods. “May I ask you something personal?” I nod. “Why would a beautiful woman travel alone with only a small bag and gold at night?” I smile. “A mysterious one.” I laugh. “I am not a killer, nor a thief, just another traveler. We all have our secrets.” He ponders on this. I could hear his heart racing, but decides that he is okay with that answer. “The sea has a way with bring out secrets.”  I smile feeling his heart pound harder “Than this shall be an interesting voyage.” He is called to come up on deck. He turns to leave but stops and turns around “I didn’t catch your name.” My smile appears again. “I don’t remember mentioning it. But it’s Layla.” “A beautiful name for a beautiful woman.” He left. I pull the cloth to cover the doorway and change my dress into a deep crimson; faceted at my neck with a tight gold necklace, the shoulders are bare but have flowing sleeves that tighten around my wrist. The dress fitted to every curve, flowing down to the floor. A few minutes later I hear the captain and the first mate talking in the other room. They are speaking Greek but my new abilities help me understand what they are saying, which is something they did not know. I stay close to the door silently listening. “Are you really letting this girl stay in your cabin? What do you know about her or her family? Her father could be looking for her and will think we kidnapped her. She has to come from lots of money.” The first mate anxiously asked. “Yes, I do intend for her to stay in this cabin for the voyage. Her past is not an issue nor is her family. We all have our secrets.” “But, sir….” “The matter is closed. Did you have anything else to discuss?” Broken the first man answered, “The cargo is secure, the sun is about to rise, we are set to sail.” “Good, leave me.” The first mate vanishes quickly.  I knock on the wood of the door frame. “Am I interrupting anything?” I ask once again speaking Egyptian. He stares at me; my new dress flowing softly as I slowly walk towards the table. His eyes following the dress down to the floor. Finally he catches himself. “No, Eustathios was just telling me we are ready to set sail.” I smile and look down at the maps and instruments.  “Have you ever sailed before?” He asks. “Only on my parent’s river boat. It is leisurely and relaxing.” I stated as I continued to study the map and traced the Nile slowly. I looked up at him. His eyes on my finger which is now tracing the open space between the port of Alexandria and Athens, he answers, “Hopefully this voyage will be as relaxing.” I smile. “May I tour your ship?” “Of course, we are about to leave port and set sail. Do you wish to watch and then I could show you around?” Again I smiled and let him lead me out of his cabin and to the high deck. The run was still below the horizon. The sails flowed down, catching the wind. The rowers had their oars out and the sound of a steady drum began. We began to move. The rush of the sea air blew in my face and the rush of my pulse increased with the beat of drums.  It was a magnificent feeling. I was leaving Egypt. I smiled at the captain. His eyes were wild as the sea. Again I was struck. He was completely in his element. Majestic, wild, free, just like the sea.

Once the ship reached open sea he spoke. “Shall I show you the rest of the ship or do you wish to stay up here and watch?” I looked at the rising sun. “Show me your ship.” I smiled. He held his arm out and I took letting him lead me down into the lower decks of the ship. The rowers stared as I glided past in the captains arms; a goddess in their dull live.  He shows me to the far end of ship. “The rowers and crew sleep here.” The room was small with boards that stuck out of the wall, each with a blanket and pillow. “Although most sleep on the deck when it is nice out.” He said smiling. He shows the storage area where the food and supplies are kept. Over all the ship was very clean. We headed back to his cabin. “We have good winds and no storms in sight it should be a nice voyage. If you wish you may go back up and enjoy the sun and open air. It is better than this stuffy cabin.” I laugh I lean my hand up on the door frame. “It’s a long night. If you don’t mind I would like to take a nap.” He nods. “I will see no one disturbs you.” I thank him and walk into the bedroom closing the curtain behind me. I changed into a night dress and laid down to sleep.

            I awoke to find a plate of various fruits, bread and a glass of wine. I sat up and started to nibble. I was strangely hungry. I looked over and noticed the captain’s bed was empty. I put on a new dress, this one being a bright blue with silver edges. It reminded me of the sea at night. I listened at the door to see if I could hear anyone in the other room. The soothing sound of the ocean waves mixed with the sound of sleeping men. I knew it was night out. I waked out of the room and headed up to the top deck.

            “Couldn’t sleep?” I asked. Almost startling the Captain as he turned to find me standing by the stairs. He was standing by the edge of the ship, his hands resting on the board that separated him from the ocean. “I’m letting the crew sleep. I took a quick nap earlier.” He said smiling. I glided toward him, the silver on my dress glistening in the moon light. He was awe struck, though he tried to hide it. “You slept the entire day; you must have been very tired?” He asked trying not to stare. “I tend to prefer the night to the daylight. There’s something magical and mysterious about the night.” I answered smiling leaning against the board and staring our into the night “It’s like the heavens and the ocean are one. They are both dark and mysterious; glittered with the stars.” He quietly nodded. We stood there listening and watching the vast darkness in front of us.

After some time I turned to him, “how do you know where you are going?” He smiled. “I study the stars. All but one star move around the sky. I know where I am going by finding the star the stays in its place in the heavens.” He looked up and pointed. Do you see the stars up there, the four that make a cup shape?” I nodded. One of the top corners has a couple stars the come down like a handle. The corner across from the side with the handle if you move your gaze straight over you will see a group of seven stars that make a miniature version of the cup. The end of the handle of the smaller one is the north star. It is the constant star. It never moves it position. All the stars move in a circle around it. I can tell where I am going just by locating that star.” I stared up at that star. He was so mystified by its wonder and I was amazed at his passion. He spent the next few hours showing me different stars and the stories that go with them. I listened, laughed, gasped, and even cried at the stories he told. I found his presence so warm and inviting. It was like we had been friends all our lives. He started to get tired and one of the crew woke up and took over his duties of watching the sea. He returned to his bed and I continued to stare at the sky and the sea.   

New Year New Beginning

It's a little late but that's because I was seriously considering what I want for my goals this year. At first I went through the usual; weight maintenance, school, temple and church attendance, etc. But I wanted goals that not only were obtainable but also personal.
My goals this year:

• To re read, study, and finish the Book of Mormon.
• To maintain a healthy diet with regular exercise.
• To attend the temple regularly and continue to be worthy to go.
• To learn to be more attentive to the promptings of the Spirit.
• To strive for better patience.
• To try new and different foods.
• To start to learn a new lanquage

Some of these don't have physical acknowledgements to show that I accomplished the goals and some are goals I wish to strive for for the rest of my life.

Happy New Year! To a year of new beginnings!

Callie Sings The Story on Grey's Anatomy - The Music Event

My second family

Tomorrow I will attend the funeral of Colleen Collins Smith.  An amazing women, who really lived and loved life.  I've been apart of the dance studio life for 6 years now, though I did not dance.  I tried to do all that I could to help.  Her family has become my family.  I have shared birthdays, parties, big show, tours, and random visits with them and they have been loving and kind to me.  I spoil their children (Colleen's grandchildren) even though they keep telling its too much.  I can't imagine my life without them in it.  They have inspired me.  Colleen and I talked these many years, most just short chats and gossip sessions on tour, but before she died I was able to see her a few times and talk.  We talked about everything.  She made me promise to never take a semester off again and to finish my degree or she would haunt me.  I will miss her dearly. 

One day we will see each other again.